The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer

“WHO’S GOT A TAMPON? I JUST GOT MY PERIOD, I will announce loudly to nobody in particular in a women’s bathroom in a San Francisco restaurant, or to a co-ed dressing room of a music festival in Prague, or to the unsuspecting gatherers in a kitchen at a party in Sydney, Munich, or Cincinnati. Invariably, across the world, I have seen and heard the rustling of female hands through backpacks and purses, until the triumphant moment when a stranger fishes one out with a kind smile. No money is ever exchanged. The unspoken universal understanding is: Today, it is my turn to take the tampon. Tomorrow, it shall be yours. There is a constant, karmic tampon circle. It also exists, I've found, with Kleenex, cigarettes, and ballpoint pens.”

― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking

Have you ever had that experience where you are curious about someone and then they go and publish a memoir? I'm sure you have. Well, that is what happened with me here. I adore Neil Gaiman, so I wanted to know what his wife was like. So I bought and read her memoir.

I got over the 'it is by Neil Gaiman's wife' very early into the book. Amanda Palmer became an artist in her own right. To give a little bit of info about Amanda Palmer (all of this I learnt in the book), after she left her record label, she used Kickstarter to fund her next project. She had the most successful Kickstarter project, raising over a million.

While this book does cover her career from start to present, it also covers so much more. It covers relationships with people - not just the 'special someone' in one's life, but everyone, including strangers. Let me touch briefly on one point that is to do with a relationship with that 'special someone': Amanda was really sick shortly after she and Neil Gaiman were married. She ended that chapter rather miserably, saying, surely she shouldn't have to ask. Surely he should know. I thought that was profound. I think it is too easy to assume that the special someone should know when you need help. I think this is where the art of asking really peaks. It is not about 'how to ask' but that you should ask.

Her focus on connecting with people was inspiring. I am going to try and take it to the classroom. Really make the kids feel that I am seeing them. She says in the book that people don't want to get looked at, they want to be seen. It is about making connections with people.

I have included the video to the TED Talk she gave on this topic. The book is a much more fleshed out version of this speech, and it covers new angles and aspects as well, but everything she mentions here is in the book too. It is probably a good way for one to test whether they are interested in it or not.

There are so many nuggets of wisdom in this book. One thing that I think is very relevant is the cyclical nature of giving and receiving. Just as with the tampon story above (the is how the book starts) the artist gives their music which helps people, so the financial 'gift' the people give in return helps the artist. But for the rest of us who are not artists, we also fall into the giving and receiving cycle.

“Asking for help with shame says:
You have the power over me.
Asking with condescension says:
I have the power over you.
But asking for help with gratitude says:
We have the power to help each other.”

― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking

OK, I will stop there. I am finding it very difficult to comment on this because it is not written as a self-help book. The nuggets are there for the reader to unearth and appreciate - which I think gives this far more credibility.

On a slightly more negative side, I should probably say that I did feel that she mentioned being a living statue for a huge chunk of the book. While I understand where she was coming from and the importance that the 'statue trade' had on her outlook, I did start to feel that there was only so much one could say about silently giving someone a flower in response to them putting some money in a hat.

Who do I think will enjoy this? Well, fans of Amanda Palmer's would - but then, they don't need me to tell them that. I think people who are wanting to get into any field that is artsy would get something of value out of this. In fact anyone could get something of value out of this. I wouldn't say that this is for everyone, but it is good to read something of value over something enjoyable occasionally. Because the book is broken up into smaller parts (I am not just talking chapters here), some a few lines, others a couple of pages, this book is actually very good to read over a period of time. There are many places where one can stop for the night and pick up something else.

This is the 40th book I have read for the 2015 TBR Pile Reading challenge.

I gave this 4 stars on Goodreads because I really appreciated many of the ideas in this book.